why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
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I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
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If you need anything just hit me up
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.