So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing