Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital