i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
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That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
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All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?