Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
