i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
There's even glitter on my cock...
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