shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
