is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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