I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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