That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
love makes seman taste better
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
