This dress was meant to end up on your floor
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
