i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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