How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
