It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
