I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
