I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
