So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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