He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
