well I can't set my house on fire every night
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
