I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
