Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
