She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize