I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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