ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
