This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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