i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
