bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
