all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
