I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
