Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
