you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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