um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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