Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
