His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Congratulations! We have a period
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