I'm so fucking centered right now
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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