what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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