she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
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I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
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don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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