The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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