i just wanna soil my oats bro
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
