Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
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