dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
