Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
