this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
