so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Found your dick twin last night
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
