bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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