We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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