U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
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