Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
