I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
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