Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Randomize
