I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
