We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
