I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
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