Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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