at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
