I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
