i just had sex bonerless
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
