tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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