put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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