Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Vodka?
Forever.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
