How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
