just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
