His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
