i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
