i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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