Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
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his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
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I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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