Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
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All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
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This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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