i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
