I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
try to milk me bitch
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
