I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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