it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
