A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
