I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
