3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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