she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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